At the end of a first date you can immediately tell whether or not you want to see the person again. It’s the same with movies. As soon as the credits start to roll you can immediately tell whether or not you want to watch the movie ever again. After sitting through AppleTV+’s “Ghosted” I can confidently say that I never want to endure this movie again. Even if I weren’t paying attention to it I wouldn’t even want to be in the same room where it was playing. I cannot believe that it took FOUR screenwriters to come up with a movie that is brimming with mediocrity and one lifeless, unentertaining trope after another. There are times when the dialogue is painful to sit through, made all the worse by an unearned and egregious two hour runtime that feels about 40 minutes too long.
You would think that the superstar casting of Chris Evans and Ana de Armas would guarantee a hit but “Ghosted” is proof that just because two people are hot and famous, does not make up for genuine romantic chemistry. What makes watching Evans and de Armas even more insufferable is that the movie keeps trying to insist they have chemistry by literally having characters declare how palpable the tension is between them. Reader, the tension was non-existent. About as non-existent was the entertainment level. “Ghosted” is not romantic or funny enough to recommend to fans of rom-coms and not exhilarating enough to recommend to fans of action movies. It doesn’t take bold enough risks in either direction and what we get is a movie thats an forgettable flatline.
Add in cameos from Marvel actors that don’t add any laughs, the waste of a perfectly good Amy Seders and the overuse of forced plant metaphors and you have a movie that no one will be revisiting anytime soon. In both love and movie-watching you deserve not to have your time wasted and for that reason go ahead and give “Ghosted” the slip. Don’t worry. You’ll never wake up in a cold sweat questioning if this movie is the one that got away.
Review by: Luke Elisio
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