War of The Worlds | Review by: Benjamin Garrett

When’s the last time you watched a movie that truly delivered on its potential, exceeding your every expectation? I’m talking about a one of a kind experience that gave you exactly what you were looking for, right when you needed it most - kind of like the way Amazon Prime delivers packages quickly and efficiently to millions of people around the world, every day.

Yeah, War of the Worlds is not a movie that delivers anything, on any level. Actually, it’s barely a movie at all. This embarrassing adaptation must have H.G. Wells spinning in his grave. Very loosely based on his original novel, and blatantly stealing from past adaptations, this movie shows us a side of the story nobody asked for. We get to see the whole thing play out from a government official’s desktop computer and webcam.

In a career worst performance, Ice Cube reacts to stock footage and glitchy shaky cam video for a full hour and a half. The highlights include watching him chat on Microsoft Teams, lurk people’s Facebook profiles, and place an order on Amazon Prime (more on that in a moment). There is some semblance of a plot, which is riddled with holes and oh-so-stupid twists in equal measure. The timeline of events in particular, is an absolute mess. When we do get glimpses of the actual invasion, the CGI has a level of polish equivalent to a high school computer class project. Keep in mind, this movie sports a 20 million dollar production budget, that, for the life of me, I cannot fathom how it was spent.

The result is something that closer resembles a 90 minute commercial for Amazon, and a handful of other big tech conglomerates, than it does a real film. The number of times characters say “Amazon cart” is hilariously and blatantly obvious. The writers must’ve thought they were creating a Pavlov’s dog situation, that would have us all subconsciously opening Prime to do a little shopping. All of that pales in comparison, though, to the aggressive Amazon Air advertisement that plays a pivotal role in the movie’s climax.

The invasion isn’t the only disaster on display in War of the Worlds, because the movie itself is catastrophically awful. It’s not often that a film this poorly conceived comes along - a real phenomenon that has to be seen to be believed. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I need to go fill my Amazon Cart.

0/5

Review by: Benjamin Garrett

Rating all V/H/S/Halloween Segments

Like sorting through your candy after a night of trick-or-treating, V/H/S/ Halloween is a mixed bag. The eighth instalment in this cult-favourite horror anthology series comes up short of previous entries, but there are still a couple of treats in here that should satisfy your twisted cravings. A chilling still from V/H/S/ Halloween . Diet Phantasma This wraparound segment follows an R&D team testing a new low-calorie soda made with “real ghosts.” It’s silly fun, but gets a bit repetitive with each new test subject. The commercial playing during the end credits was a nice touch. Rating: ★★½☆ Coochie Coochie Coo This short feels like walking through a haunted house — but not in a good way. The plot is like something torn from a creepypasta thread. Everything is constantly being spelled out in a painfully obvious way. The practical effects and makeup are decent, and this is probably the only segment that comes close to being scary...

The Mandalorian Season 3 Review

Listen, I love Star Wars. I will always love Star Wars. The original and prequel trilogies were a big part of my childhood, and helped shape my love of cinema. While The Mandalorian isn’t among my favourites in the franchise, I thought it had a promising first season and a significantly stronger season two. Season three had so much potential, but a frustrating lack of focus held it back from greatness. This show’s always had a bit of an identity crisis, but it’s never been as clear as it is here. Does it want to be a procedural-style adventure of the week, or tell an epic, multi-season spanning arc? Season one leaned toward the former, while Season two found a satisfying balance of both. Season three tries to find that balance, but the overarching story it wants to tell is bigger than the few episodes allotted to do so. There are only 8 chapters, some barely over 30 min. That’s a fair...

The Rip Review

The Rip is all the evidence you need that a great cast can elevate an otherwise run-of-the-mill movie. Without its impressive A-list roster, this would’ve likely been lost among a crowd of forgettable January dumping ground releases. Throw Matt Damon, Ben Affleck and a handful of other extremely talented actors into the mix, though, and now you’ve got something worth watching. While there are exceptions that prove the rule, a lot of these police/cartel thrillers are interchangeable when it comes to their cookie-cutter story beats. The Rip breaks exactly zero molds, but it also doesn’t feel as uninspired as it could’ve. There are enough surprises to keep things engaging, and the tension - which the movie often hinges on - is appropriately high strung. The action is punchy and loud, which is no surprise coming from Director Joe Carnahan. While I do have minor issues with some of the sequences feeling a bit choppy in how they were shot and edited, the action is solid and packs...

1st Reviews

Search This Blog